Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Dealing With Strong Emotions In Relationships PART 1

Relationships are one aspect of life that we generally experience strong emotions. In most areas of our life we are able to stay rational and stay in our intellectual mind for the most part. For example, at work or when interacting with our friends. But this is a good thing. Romantic relationships allow for our emotional needs to be met. And if they are not being met then maybe you should think about leaving your relationship and doing something different or doing someone different.

For a long time in my romantic relationships, I felt that they had to be rational and that I wasn’t able to me emotional. In affect, I felt that I wasn’t able to be me! I thought that I had to be this perfect boyfriend who had everything completely under his control. The problem was that when strong emotions came (e.g., anger or jealousy) I felt that I wasn’t able to express them. As a result the relationships didn’t last very long and run their course quite quickly.

This is my advice to my male clients…”that it is ok to be vulnerable in a romantic relationship.” Women crave it. Once you as a male have an emotional connection with your partner, it will reduce the chances of them leaving you. Why do you think women stay in abusive relationships? Because they have an emotional connection with their partner. This is a major problem in modern day society, especially for Gen Y’s in their 20s. They have soo much choice for mates that they leave romantic relationships at the drop of a hat.

Now for most people, this maturing process where they feel comfortable expressing themselves and having real relationships takes time. For most people this doesn’t happen until way into your 20s, even 30s. Dating that gorgeous early 20-year might look physically appealing but chances are that they don’t know how to be with you in a romantic relationship. Whereas the battle hardened older person may be able to be a little bit more real with you.

In practical terms, strong emotions usually come up through arguments, confrontation and difficult conversations within a relationship. Let’s be honest, most people are scared out of their wits end at the prospect of having a difficult conversation with their partner. Why? Because it means that they will have to be emotionally vulnerable and will have to engage in conflict. Both of which aren’t particularly appealing to most people in relationships.

Read part two

1 comment:

  1. Nice article. For making a strong relationship it is very important to make a proper communication and right approach for each other. When you realize any short of confusion or problem then you should take suggestion from a counselor.
    Couples Counselling Brisbane